she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
