I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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