I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you never un-have a 4some
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
