Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
