Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
