im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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