Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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