Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
