Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
