dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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