Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You peed on a flamingo?!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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