ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
