3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
