Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
