Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
