I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
