It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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