It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
