Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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