i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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