So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
