I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
