Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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