I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
