Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
