shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
