Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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