So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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