I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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