I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
