Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
