Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
