You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize