People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
