I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
