if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
