im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
