You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
