I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
