some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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