Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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