i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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