She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
