i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
