i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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