I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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