got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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