She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
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He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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