At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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