Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
