hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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