this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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