Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
