i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
