Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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