I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
