We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
