I just pynch a tree in the face
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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