I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
