Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I want to make a zoo with you.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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