My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
