I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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