It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
