i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
