Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
