Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
the day after is always just damage control
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
why is half of my head shaved?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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