That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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