You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
