im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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