Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Someone shattered a urinal.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
