So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
