OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
