I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
